Mary Kay's Blog

Last weekend we moved my son back to school. I was a bad blogger last spring, but no news was good news. He completed his freshman year with a 3.8 GPA and was selected as an Ambassador Scholar (the students who lead tours for the admissions office). This year's schedule looks more challenging to me academically, and he has chosen to live off-campus in an apartment with three other boys. Two of them I know fairly well. I am worried that he is over-confident after such a successful first year. I am worried that four 19-20 year old boys in their own apartment will party more than they will study. And I am not thrilled that he has decided to go through fraternity rush, even though I was a National Officer for my sorority for many years. My daughter, who is a senior in high school, laughs at my worries and tells me my son makes good decisions and will take care of himself, but I worry, because I am a mother!

Last weekend I was talking to the parent of another freshman. But that parent has a female freshman, and that makes a world of difference when it comes to the amount of information exchanged between parent and child. She mentioned something about the fires on campus, and luckily, I didn't have to respond with a blank look. You see, I knew all about it! Not because my darling son had so much as mentioned it to me, but because I had received several emails from the Parents' Association, keeping me up-to-date on the situation. These emails have been coming regularly all year, letting me know about the good, the bad, and the ugly, and I really do appreciate them. They let me know about important dates and functions on campus, as well as concerns and situations that less "open" instutitions might try to gloss over. It is rare that my son even thinks to mention any of this to me. So for those of you whose child quit keeping you up to date on school happenings about the time they quit pinning the school newsletter to his shirt, the emails from the Parent Association are a blessing. Make sure you join! You'll be glad you did, and I promise no one asked me to say this!

Our first born and only son has now completed his first semester of college. Academically, he did very well. He managed to keep all his scholarships with quite a bit of breathing room. I don't think, in general, parents of boys can expect to know as much about what is going on in their students' lives as parents of girls. This was a pattern that emerged in high school, and it hasn't changed any in college. David is quite independent and was very "ready" to go off to college. Here are some things that he grasped early that I think made his first semester go smoothly:

• there is a direct correlation between going to class and doing well in the class. He got sick of people telling him that before he left for college, but fortunately, it must have had an impact because except for a few times when he was truely sick, he went to class (as far as I know . . .)
• professors really do see students during office hours. He was more than a little insulted and surprised by his first grade on an English paper, but he handled it appropriately and met with the professor one-on-one during her office hours to find out what she wanted. His grades steadily improved and she realized that he was a conscientious student.
• don't give up. A great number of students dropped his math class after the first test. It was the hardest test of the semester, in his opinion. Had they stuck in out, things would have gotten better, and easier.

What he may not have learned until too late is that you can't burn the candle at both ends and that your body tries to tell you when it needs more rest. The week of finals his finally threw in the towel, and by that final Thursday, he was really sick. He called after the last final to say he was headed home, but that he felt horrible. What do you say? What I said was, "Well, come on home, and I'll take care of you." Unfortunately, he was sicker than I realized - too sick to drive. He woke up as his head hit the steering wheel as his SUV bounced along the median of I40 about a half-hour west of Knoxville. Luckily, he managed to get control of the vehicle and neither he nor the car suffered any damage (yes, we said many prayers of thanksgiving). His father and I immediately took to the road to go get him. Strictly by coincidence, the transmission in the SUV decided to give out at the same time, so he wouldn't have made it past Cookeville anyway. Of course, there was a wreck on the interstate headed east on I40, and it took us twice as long as usual to get to him. He sat at a gas station, with a 103 degree fever, absolutely miserable, waiting for us. I took him straight to the doctor when we got home. Diagnosis? Mono. Christmas break, lots of rest and as much of my hovering as he could stand had him ready to return to school for second semester, but as I reminded him last night, "Take it easy. Your body still isn't functioning at 100 percent probably." We'll cross our fingers and hope he believes me.

He forgot to call when he got back to Knoxville from Christmas break. His father became frantic pretty quickly after the incident on the way home . . . He'd just gotten busy unloading the car and then had seen friends and gone out to eat. He was very apologetic when we reached him. Those are things are bound to happen, so get ready.

This roommate process has been interesting.

Last year, when David was a senior in high school, I think he changed his roommate selection at least three times. His first two choices didn't even end up coming to UT. The third choice is at UT, but he chose to room with someone else. We didn't find that out until orientation, but David was OK with that, because about that time, another friend of his decided to attend UT and they decided after rooming together at orientation that they would be very compatible and should room together in the fall.

So . . . we held our breath and hoped that the late request for a transfer would work out. It did, but we weren't sure that it would until about a week before school began.

Just as they had though, David and his roommate got along beautifully. I never heard one complaint from David about him. However, his roommate wasn't as thrilled with UT has David is. His is a dedicated musician and his heart has always been at Belmont. Before Thanksgiving, he had already decided to transfer for second semester. So . . . we knew that David would be looking for a new roommate for January.

It was like senior year all over again. Every time we talked to him there was a different possibility! Some of his friends who hadn't originally gotten in to UT were thinking of trying to transfer - maybe he would room with them. We had our concerns about how serious they would be about their studies, but trusted David to make good choices. In the end, no one decided to transfer. There was a "lull" in information and, today, he says, "Oh, by the way, Mom, I have a roommate. My friend from Youth Legis, from last year, Michael, has moved in." Just like that, all is taken care of. Michael is from Knoxville (a home-cooked meal every now and then maybe?), an excellent student, and shares some similar interest and background. . .

I've been really worrying about this, and he barely remembers to tell me when the new roomie moves in . . .